I am sitting alone at home. In exactly 8 minutes I´ll be 28 years old. I do not feel alone though. Quite on the contrary.
I am overwhelmed by all the beautiful people I´ve met throughout my life. Some have saved me, I´ve saved a few back, others meant so much to me without even realizing it, others helped me without even knowing me. A friend says I´ve got this talent: „You attract „special“ people because „normal“ people just bore you”, she says.
The people I´ve met through many different cities are truly „walking poems“. And so we sat, sometimes in silence, we drank and ate and smoked together. Sometimes I don´t know what to do with all these „miracles“, it gets too much, in a pain/wonderful sort of way.
Often they don´t know how very special and beautiful they are. The ones who are not afraid, I tell them how much a privilege it is to share moments with them, how much I love them.
These texts are my most profound way to thank and love them all. Just for existing. And for sharing their stories with me. Here is the first part of it, devoted to my crew and core.
Me and Virginia.
We drove together. Every single weekend, we went to the groceries, to get her medicine, we ate cake and drank coffees together, her in her best Sunday suit and me imagining, if I would look like her in my eighties. Her empty seat in my car is still too painful.
My grandma was the only one who could have told me not to go. But she never did. She always told me to go and do what´s best for me. And when I think that her body fought and waited for me to take a plane home in order to die, that she awoke from the coma and we could tell words to each other and then she died it´s just…
J. was the first person in my life in many ways. He was the first to see dreams in me and how they would take me somewhere, and so he pushed me to do better. He was also the first to tell me how proud he was of me. J. made me believe in people.
J. is very temperamental, when he argues he stamps his left foot on the floor. He loves women; we call it the „fireman complex“, he just can´t hold himself, he has to save them!
He is my best friend and a part of me. I will take care of him in sickness and I will bury him.
C. hated me in Secondary School. We are best friends for 12 years. We shop and go to the beach together and make up theories about relationships and love. I watched her grow and turn into an amazing woman. C. was the first person to bake me a cake for my birthday. She always comes to fetch me and takes me to the airport. We hardly ever hug but, she is always there for me. Like a rock.
For her 24th birthday I wrote her: „Beautiful and soft as a poem/ Strong and unbreakable as water/ You are shaping the world around you!“ And she is, she truly is.
K. is an angel in my life. She is extremely professional at her job and then she comes home and we drink tee and talk in the kitchen until 4pm. Sometimes she holds her teddy bear and we watch romantic comedies, discuss boys and eat pizza together. She can build shelves and bake cakes.
K. held me when I got the news. And she drove me to Berlin in the middle of the night so I could return home to my grandmother and say my last goodbye, though she had the biggest interview of her career early next morning…
These people are my country.